11.27.2011

waste


i want to know when this all will stop.
i want to know if this all will stop.

9.28.2011

devils will drag you

my one reoccurring thought is:
what would you do if it were me
instead of you?

9.25.2011

through the cracks


i, i blame you
i blame you
for all of those things i've been through

albatross
wild beasts

9.03.2011

just like old friends

so far
i still know who you are
but now
i wonder who i was

perfect
smashing pumpkins

8.29.2011

extrasupervery

i'm working on erasing you
i just don't have the proper tools

i get hammered, forget that you exist
there's no way i'm forgetting this

i'm working hard on walking out
my shoes keep sticking to the ground

my clothes won't let me close the door
and these trousers seem to love your floor

i'm working on my backwards walk
there's nowhere left for me to go

except back to you just one last time
say yes, before i change my mind

you're the shit
and i'm knee-deep in it.


backwards walk
frightened rabbit

seen it 10 times before


i thought that you were the one
in darkness, my heart was won

the ubiquitous mr. lovegrove
dead can dance

8.27.2011

a navy knot with arms at night


and now we're unrelated
and rid of all the shit we hated,
but i hate when i feel like this
and i never
hated you.

poke
frightened rabbit

8.23.2011

like god's shoeshine

i'm struggling to remind myself over and over
that things are different now, that i really am quite alone at the end of the day,
that the knot that held my idea of normalcy together is fraying slowly
and is bound to snap any day now.

i'm struggling even more
to convince myself that i'll be just fine
anyway.

7.29.2011

walk

can't feel my love anymore
can't feel my legs anymore
but i'm still running

all dried up
phantogram

7.26.2011

feels like



cause you are the ocean
and i'm good at drowning.

you are the ocean
phantogram




7.23.2011

who will love you?

come on skinny love,
just last the year.


skinny love
bon iver

7.19.2011

our chorus

when we come together then we forget ourselves
and just as night follows day
the beginning must become the end
and so we will start again



please let me go
please let me go
please let me go

so glad to see you
hot chip

7.14.2011

the south takes what the north delivers

this is the slow, sick, sucking part of me
this is the slow, sick, sucking part of me
and when i'm sucking kisses
sour

unfair
pavement

in the darkness comes another

i get impatient
with every word

the more you ask me,
the more i've heard

this is a thirst
that i've never had

i've never bled for
another man


lose it
austra

7.11.2011

it's do or die now

i can call your fake
i needed an anthem
and i can give your take
i needed a song
and i am here and brave
i want to go dancing

to be a dancer (i am alive)
lovers

7.03.2011

bury our limbs

trying to live on
is so taxing
just stacking up
all those failures and accidents
we've thrown away on
a mountain of mistakes

i've watched in the dark
and counted them all
in the moonless night,
i wait for your call

put the days away
sun airway

6.29.2011

lessons

it is so deceptively easy to get hopelessly wrapped up in what you think is in someone else's head, what you think might happen, what you think you're going to mess up on.

this habit frequently results in the infamous 'downward spiral', as i fondly call my own tendency to catastrophize. i find it exhausting and frustrating, and i'm sure it's not exactly fun for anyone else around me either.

it begins with a small nagging problem or worry, and quickly blossoms into a giant void of hopelessness in which you are certain you are an absolutely hideous failure with no talent or intelligence whatsoever that will spend the rest of your life alone - except for your 18 cats, which will eat your face off when you die before anyone finds your body.

i've learned it's important to re-assess what's going on in your own head first, give yourself a hard reality check. do you have reason to think what you're thinking? is it really a gut feeling of instinct, or are you panicking yourself over something you extrapolated from a tiny, probably meaningless action or word?

these things are ridiculously difficult to distinguish between. the line between them is so very thin, and to make matters worse, it tends to smear and wobble in times of high emotion or anxiety.

nonetheless, that self-checking process needs to happen before you even allow a thought of the frantic downward spiral into misery to enter your head.
once your mind takes that first stair down, you risk the possibility - even the probability - that you will be wallowing in the depths of despair over nothing at all.

stay put

watch my back
so i make sure
you're right behind me
as before
yesterday, the night before tomorrow

dry my eyes,
so you won't know
dry my eyes,
so i won't show

i know you're right behind me

tonight
lykke li

6.27.2011

i wish i could believe

wasted
you tell the truth
when you could've lied
troubles
are on the rise
cause you're in disguise

and if it isn't me,
then pack your bags and leave
i wish i could believe
the devils won't take you back
out to the salty seas

mouthful of diamonds
phantogram

6.24.2011

the earth is warmer when you laugh

and love is the scene i render
when you catch me wide awake

and love is the best endeavor
waiting in the lion's mane

lion's mane
iron & wine

6.20.2011

i am no one you know

when you play the field selfishly everything
works against you:
one can't insist on love or
demand affection.

you're finally left with whatever
you have been willing to give
which often is:
nothing.

- excerpt from 'a poem for swingers'
by charles bukowski

6.14.2011

by blood & by mean

so tell me
when you hear my heart stop -
you’re the only who knows

tell me when you hear my silence
there’s a possibility
i wouldn’t know


possibility
lykke li

6.11.2011

don't you let me go

i dry my eye, dry my eye
falling deeper by the hour
dry my eye
dry my eye, dry my eye
don't let me fall deeper now
dry my eye

tonight
lykke li

6.10.2011

side streets

i habitually run for miles, sweating my ass off on the cracked sidewalks of my little hometown. it's my hobby, my obsession, my therapy.

usually i run into some people walking dogs, a couple of sunburnt kids on shitty bikes, maybe a few middle-aged ladies with water bottles and fancy sneakers trying to get fit for that midsummer vacation to florida. but today was different. everyone and their brother was out and about, breathing in that muggy air drenched with the smell of all the flowers that lost the battle against the heat of the past few days.

as i was panting and shuffling my way down a side street, i thought about how i felt i had a pretty good day, all things considered; i thought about how i need to run a little bit more before shimmying into that new skirt; i thought about the poor, abused skin on my shoulders soaking up even more UV rays as i ran.

i squinted into the evening sunshine as a group of people got closer - a middle aged mom, older dad, and three young kids, the youngest of which was enthusiastically heading the pack with a fake push-vacuum (the kind with the little balls inside) and a polka dot bathing suit ensemble. that made me smile as i hopped off the curb to give their troupe full clearance to pass.

that smile was glued to my face while the father asked me something i didn't quite hear, and remained when i asked him what he'd said. it was even still there when he repeated jokingly, 'what are ya running from?'

but it was gone in a split second when i answered, 'myself'.
gone because i didn't even realize that's what i was going to say; gone because i wasn't trying to be funny; gone because it was automatic and morbid and completely true.

6.08.2011

curtains

i find it hard
to drive your stupid car
i find it hard
because i never get that far

and you put my brain in overload
i can't change gears,
i cannot see the road

you've got concrete eyes
and i cannot see your face
and i failed in life
cause you crushed me with your hate

stupid car
radiohead

6.05.2011

i'll give it

i'm naked

i'm numb

i'm stupid

i'm staying

until we bleed
kleerup feat. lykke li

6.02.2011

tell me what's next

those things that i've lost
and things that i've sold
this case is now closed
and the trail has gone cold

and your sticks all are snakes
i throw them aside
and twist til they break
but they never die

this is not enough
this is not enough
this is not enough for me

human remains
tom mcrae

5.31.2011

circling round

you were so true to yourself
you were true to no one else
well, i should put you in the ground

black cadillacs
modest mouse

5.26.2011

questions

be of love a little more careful than of anything.


-e.e. cummings

5.09.2011

gleam with possibilities

image: statue of eve by bec winnel

when the sun goes down,
down on your street
and you're feeling strangely
incomplete
oh,
please don't grieve for days
that fell like leaves

when the sun goes down on your street
ben gibbard

5.05.2011

hyperballad

i'm queen of provocation
i wake people up
only before you
i'm humble

i adore you
only before you
i go humble

i go humble
björk

4.25.2011

impractical

anytime will do,
my love

no choice of words
will break me
from this rule

will do
tv on the radio

4.22.2011

take a swim

stick your arm
inside the mirror
crawl back into bed
take a swim
inside the mirror
exactified
exhausted

trainer
pinback

honey

i can't get
enough of you
god gave me strength
and i gave it to you
i've got sticks
in my spine
but what can i do?
i can never, never, never
get enough of you

i can't get enough
the jesus and mary chain

4.13.2011

por fin




i'm burned out.

4.12.2011

4.10.2011

something worth

i am an introvert an excavator
i'm duckin' out for now
a face in dodgy elevators
creep up and suddenly
i found myself
an innovator

l.e.s. artistes
santigold

4.09.2011

charismatique

que veux-tu
je suis folle de toi
mon coeur ne bat plus
quand je te vois
tu es beau
tu es grand
tu es fascinant

que veux-tu
yelle

4.06.2011

i love you never feeling old

tick-tock
this clockwork will stop

you're the key
for winding up my heart.

big jumps
emiliana torrini

4.01.2011

a trapeze is a birdcage

i'm humbled in your pretty lens
i'll hold you,
don't you go

the purple bottle
animal collective

3.29.2011

stacking up

trying not to die is so taxing -
you take a breath
just to let it out again


put the days away
sun airway

yes i am doin' just fine

image: paulpaper

this wilderness up in my head
this rhythm that's up in my head

lion in a coma
animal collective

3.28.2011

i'm knowing you


you've shown me kindness,
and i felt touch
resurrected
sharing white bread
under purple-blue blossoms
i'm smiling for two


all around and away we go
twin sisters

3.25.2011

like no one's watching you

a moment of love
a dream
a laugh
a kiss
a cry
our rights
our wrongs

sweet disposition
the temper trap

3.20.2011

min awil nazra

hayati inta
habibi inta

hayati inta
natacha atlas

3.19.2011

wherever i'm with you

alabama, arkansas
i do love my ma and pa
not the way that i do love you

home
edward sharpe & the magnetic zeros

3.16.2011

sláinte

éirinn go brách.


may you never lie, steal, cheat, or drink:
but if you must lie,
lie in each other's arms.
if you must steal,
steal kisses.
if you must cheat,
cheat death.
and if you must drink,
drink with us,
your friends.

3.15.2011

strength i've never had


you inspire me every single day.

3.14.2011

que me da su mano sincero

y para el cruel que me arranca
el corazón con que vivo
carda ni ortigo cultivo
cultivo la rosa blanca

versos sencillos
josé martí

3.13.2011

duties

can't you just
sit awhile
and try your hardest to smile

killin' the vibe
ducktails feat. panda bear

3.12.2011

i see flashes of gold

nasa image of the day

pound my steering wheel
we yell to the windshield
i’m finally home
i’m finally home

cameras
matt & kim