it's hard to leave all these moments behind

I am not used to being on my own. As awful as it sounds, it's the truth - for right now, at least. I'm lucky (or cursed, depending on how you look at it) enough to have a load of crutches in my life. My family, my closest friends, and someone who has been extremely close to me for about three years now. I lean on them shamelessly. When I have a crap day, I call them and whine. I cry on their shoulders. I blow up at them because I'm stressed. I look to them for encouragement. And, they are never absent. Even if I've been on my own two feet for a while, when the going gets tough, I hobble rather quickly back to my crutches.
Since you're reading this, you know me, and I'm pretty sure you know that recently one of my constant crutches has bitten the dust. It's broken. I guess you could say I'm okay with keeping that splintered one around, in a case maybe, so I'm not tempted to try to repair it too well. So it's great to still have it nearby, and maybe in the future I'll be able to delicately lean on it again, but it's not quite the same. I have been almost exclusively leaning on that crutch for the past few years, and I always had the greatest of faith that it would and could hold me up. But things change, and now I find myself staggering on my feet a little bit. I'm weaker now without my crutch. There are times when I regain my balance and take a few tottering steps, but there are also the days when I fall flat on my face because I realize it's gone for good. Those are the tough days.
One benefit to losing this primary crutch, if there indeed are any at all, is that my other crutches have proven to be just as sturdy - if not more. They refuse to let me fall, and they were all right there to support me when the other one busted. For that, I love them eternally and am indebted to them.
It's not such a bad thing to have crutches at all, come to think of it. I guess I'm just worried that I depend on them a bit too much, especially as of late. Soon, it'll be high time for me to stop letting them bear my weight. I know they will still be there just in case of a slight relapse, but I don't want to burden them any more.
I'd like to be independent again. I'd like to feel secure, even without that crutch that I let define who I was. I'd like to be somewhat happy on my own.