is this it

This evening, a huge question has been making itself at home in the forefront of my mind. Why do we all try as hard as we possibly can to lose ourselves?

Most of what this question has to do with involves the popular concept of "losing yourself" in something. We humans can perform this disappearing act using just about anything as a medium; drinking, doing drugs, playing or listening to music, eating, watching TV, playing a sport, dancing all by yourself. As you can see, some of these are much more positive (and much less stupid) outlets than the others. So how we manage to lose ourselves in things that have absolutely nothing to do with ourselves doesn't bug me; it's the fact that we want to. It's our main goal, and it appears repeatedly during day-to-day life. I just read an Avon advertisement for a perfume that invited me to "lose myself in an exotic scent". You hear people say things like, "I just want to forget about everything for a while." More importantly, you see people immerse themselves in these "losing" activities without even realizing it.

My personal way of losing myself (I don't like the whole losing thing, but I'm certainly not any less guilty of it) is running. In cross-country, or track, or on the side my road, or even just on one of those sweet Elliptical machines, I completely forget myself. My mind goes white. I think of absolutely nothing, and it's the most peaceful and happy part of my day. Granted, this isn't exactly destructive behavior, but bottom line, I'm still trying to get away from myself for a few hours, and I'm not sure why I want that so desperately.

So why do people want to lose themselves so badly? What makes us feel so overwhelmed with the mere fact of ourselves that we need to get away from it? As humans, just one species on this planet, with no concrete plans, no reliable maps, and a ton of problems that we bring upon ourselves, I'd say it's safe to bet that we are already pretty damn lost. There's really no need to try any harder to escape ourselves when we had no clue where we were in the first place, is there?

Here's the nub and grit of all this. I think we should start trying to find ourselves in the things we normally do to lose ourselves. So, next time I go for a run, I'm going to resist that lovely temptation to sink into oblivion. I'm going to think about something, about why I acted the way I did on the way home from practice, or about why that test upset me so much. When you listen to your favorite band and start to drift, try it. Try to think about how you relate to that music, what it really means to you besides escape. Even if all that results is you learning why it lets you escape, that's more than enough.

Please don't get me wrong; I am well aware of the benefits of "forgetting the world" for awhile. It definitely can be healthy - in moderate doses. But it bothers me immensely to see some people, people who are exhausted, stressed, and worried, engaging in dangerous ways of losing themselves even further.


"If you realize what the real problem is - losing yourself - you realize that this itself is the ultimate trial."

-Joseph Campbell